Someone is always watching

It's been a long time since I've posted anything, to be completely honest I forgot I even had this blog. I'm not very good at writing in my journal, and obviously, even worse at posting. I don't like doing anything that I have to sit down and focus on. Like watching movies. If I have to sit and watch one I usually fall asleep.... which gets really awkward when I have friends over.

Last night I went to Family Home Evening with my ward. It's been a long time since I've stayed the whole time.... but they were coloring so of course I stayed! (we made alphabet books for children in other countries) I was able to talk to one of my friends that I really look up to, Taione, a man I haven't been able to talk to for awhile. Partly because I don't stay at activities and partly because his calling keeps him pretty busy. Last night we talked about our friendship and how we both really feel like we were each others example from the start of our relationship. And then we talked about how because we have been able to keep each other strong out families have noticed and started coming back to church and making choices that are making them happy- really happy not temporally happy. And it got me thinking about how we are all some body's example. That every day someone is watching us. If we make good choices, someone sees that, and maybe they don't always comment on it but we are being watched. The same goes for our bad choices, someone is always watching.

I remember about 4 years ago I moved in with my father in Utah County. Living in Utah County was never anywhere I wanted to live and my Father's house was full! So moving in was a hard decision to make just based on the fact that it was going to be a tight fit with me there. (I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity I had to live with my father, and while living there I never felt like there wasn't room-for the record.) Every Sunday it was the same thing. I would wake up, and while I got ready for church I would spend time with the 3 babies. Jake was about 3 or 4 at the time which would make the twins 1 or 2. The amount of pictures I have of the 4 of us in the bathroom hanging out while I got ready is a little insane. Then I would go to church and the rest of my day was pretty much church meetings, and visiting teaching, and whatever else needed to be done. I would be home for dinner but that was about it.

After a few months of attending a new ward I was getting really discouraged. I had made 2 friends, and I just felt like I really didn't fit in. I'm a people person. I love to be around friends. All the time. I love people. Being around people makes me happy. So only having 2 friends in a new ward after 6 months was extremely hard for me. I decided that I really didn't like the ward and I stopped going to church. After only a couple weeks of this I was standing in the kitchen while my dad was preparing meat for the BBQ. We were just talking when he asked a question that has impacted me even to this day. He said "Wunt wunt, you haven't been to church in a couple weeks. Is everything okay?"

My Father is not active in the LDS church, and hasn't been since he was 14. He attends baby blessings, baptisms, and other ordinances that are performed at church, but generally on Sunday he's home with my siblings. So the fact that he noticed I wasn't going really surprised me. To be honest, I don't remember what I told him. I don't even remember if the conversation lasted much longer. I think I might have said something about not liking the ward and how it was hard to go.

It was the first time I realized that my parents were watching me. And it hit me hard that I was an example to them. When you're the oldest child you tend to think that you're only being an example to your younger siblings. And if you're like me, you tend to think they aren't really watching you and couldn't care less about what you do. You never really expect that your parents look up to you as well.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we can't afford to be bad examples. We can't afford to not make good choices, because every day we are being watched and we are being judged. I realize, we're human-we have bad days! But that isn't really what I'm talking about. We are representatives of the Savior and we need to make sure that our actions and our words are pointing others towards him.

I have 12 younger siblings-but when I go to church it's for me. Never in a million years would I have expected to get a text that said "Nikki-I wanted you to know that you are my example. That because of you I've been sober for 3 months and I'm happy. Thank you for not giving up on me when it would have been so easy to do. Thank you for being a good example."

We hear it all the time. Be a good example. But until someone says "I saw you. I noticed you. and I'm following you." it doesn't mean anything. But every day, every hour, every second-someone is watching you.

What kind of example are you going to be today?