Who will it hurt?

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we are often watched closely by those of the world.

These past couple months have been rather difficult and a couple weeks ago I was ready to throw in the towel. I didn't want to pray anymore, read my scriptures, or go to church. All I wanted to do was get in the car and drive until I couldn't anymore... then I realized I was broke and with gas prices right now I definetly was NOT getting far ;)

In the end, it was my testimony that saved me. I was ready to quit- my testimony was not. I was promted to ask for a priesthood blessing and so I did.

Leading up to this blessing I felt as if praying was leading to a dead end, I wasn't feeling anything in the way of answers. And I felt like I couldn't really make a plan for my future because I didn't understand what was suppose to be happening right now. During this blessing my father in heaven simply told me to stop trying so hard to control my life and to allow him to guide me by the spirit that I may become the person he needs me to be, to be in the places he needs me to be, and to influence the lives he needs me to influence.

Finally I feel at peace and I can look myself in the mirror every morning without worrying about tomorrow.

I read a passage in a book today that really hit me hard. I am the only member of my siblings and parents- if I had given up how would it have hurt me? Immediately it probably would not have. But it would have hurt my family and those who look to me to be an example.

The passage is from "To the Rescue; The Biography of Thomas S. Monson" and it reads:
"That Tom Monson was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints became well known. One of his fellow sailors.... later wrote in a letter to him: 'The eyes of so many of us were watching you as the Devil did his best to lead you astray. We were out at La Jolla Shores having an office-Beach party. Beer was being served... you were kind of a natural leader even then among us. They would not leave you alone... I can see you so clearly right now in my mind- that skinny, tall kid with your smile and sense of humor to laugh your way through saying no, so no one would take offense, pushing it away, repeating, no, no. How would it have hurt you? It would have hurt us, Tom-those of us who were watching you. The Lord could still have made you an apostle if you had taken that beer, but what would it have done to us who remember that moment in time so many years ago?..."

I wasn't being offered beer- but the illusions of a different life, if I were to give up, shown brightly. I could have taken that bait and I could have walked away but I know that it would not have changed anything. It would have hurt those who were watching me, those who look up to me, those who see in me what I can not yet see in myself.

The devil has away of making things look shiny, and in this dog-eat-dog world shiny is distracting. I am so grateful for the friends I have that tell me how much they look up to me. At times it is a bit much but at times it is all I have to hold onto. The devil will do everything to get you to come to him but in the end he will not love you. In the beginning he did not love you. He would never give his life for you and he would never want you to be happy.

I know that this gospel of Jesus Christ is the true gospel. I know that the atonement is there for me to lean on when I want to give up. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that he, with the help of the Savior, was able to do hard things. I know the Book of Mormon is a true book of gospel and as I read it I become closer to my Savior and best friend. I become a better person as I read this book and see the good in others. I know that giving up is not the answer, no matter how pretty it is right now.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know who I am. I know God's plan, I'll follow him in faith.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.