Hi Friends!
Yesterday I had the opportunity to bear my testimony about the Savior's atonement. Crazily enough, that's what experience #5 in Faith required.
There were several scriptures that you were asked to read, and a couple of them stood out to me as I read.
In Romans 5:19 it reads "For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous."
It made me think a lot about the creation, and the article of faith that says we won't be punished for Adam's transgression but for our own sins. However, because Adam ate the fruit of the tree we were all more susceptible to sin. Christ was perfect, he never sinned and he always loved- even when others didn't deserve it. Maybe especially when others didn't deserve it.
Another scripture that stood out to me was D&C 19: 15-18 which reads "15. Therefore I command you to repent- repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore- how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.
16. For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they were repent;
17. But if they would not repent they must suffer even as;
18. Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit- and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink-"
When Christ selflessly let himself be nailed to that cross, and hung until he took his last mortal breath, it was not painless. He suffered. When he knelt in Gethsemane and he bled from every pore, he felt everything we feel. He was happy for us when we were happy, but he also felt our sorrows when we sinned, our heartbreaks with lost love, and our physical pain from broken bones, or paper cuts.
He knew, in that moment, that what he was taking on was not a small task, but he did it for us. He knew that the atonement would require pain that no man could bear, but he did it for us.
Christ loves us, because he knows us. Even at our darkest moments, even when we don't deserve it.
But even when we do.
Because I was focused on this experience this week, I had the atonement on my mind, and that helped me to look for ways in which it blesses my life.
My son, bless his perfect little heart, is teething. And going through a phase where no one is good enough for him except mommy. He won't even chase after the dog, which is saying a lot as that seems to be his favorite activity. Last week, even with Tylenol or Motrin, he was not a happy camper, and sleep eluded him. Which means that sleep eluded me. Seriously, there were a few times that I felt it so close I could touch it... and then it was ripped right from my precious little heart! The little man and I spent a lot of the nighttime hours in the living room, me trying desperately to get him to sleep at all and him tossing and turning and kicking me and screaming.
It was a long week.
Sometime during the week I got a text message from a friend who just had some teeth pulled. She was in a lot of pain, and when I asked what I could do to help her out she simply asked me to pray for her. Normally that would look something like me saying I can do that for you, and then sending off good prayer vibes into the universe. But when she asked it happened to be a rare moment when my son was asleep (a nap that lasted 20 m minutes), so I took the opportunity to actually get down on my knees and say a prayer for her.
As I prayed, thoughts about the atonement came to my mind and I asked that she be comforted by it and that she could learn through this experience how the atonement helps in all matters of our lives and not just through the power of repentance. Later that night, I drove to Target. I needed the break so I left my husband in charge, apologized for the long couple of house he was going to have, and walked around Target with no regrets.
Of course, I also talked to myself the whole way there, and it was at that time that I realized how the atonement could work for me in my week of crazy. Christ knows what I am going through in this very moment. He knows that having a teething baby can sometimes be a challenge. He felt that. He suffered that in the Garden of Gethsemane. He understands what the lack of sleep can do to you as a human (who NEEDS sleep), he knows what it can do to your relationships, he knows how lack of sleep can change your goals for the week. HE KNOWS.
He doesn't just SAY he knows. HE ACTUALLY KNOWS. He has physically and emotionally felt those same EXACT (not similar- EXACT) feelings. All I needed to do was pray and trust.
Friday was still a rough day, even after all the praying. But I was able to get through them better, and see things a little more clearly. Saturday things really turned around for my little man, and Sunday was like a normal day. How thankful I am for the reminder of the atonement, and to know that as I trust Christ he can take my burdens from me. I still might have to struggle, but I don't have to struggle alone.
Are you having trouble loving your neighbor? Use the atonement.
Are you struggling with the physical pain of a broken bone? Use the atonement.
Do you feel alone? Scared? and unsure about life? Use the atonement.
The atonement is one size fits all, because Christ suffered for that purpose. It's not the only step you will need to take, but it's a great first step.
You can read about experience Faith #3 here.
Monday, August 6, 2018
Monday, July 30, 2018
Hope leads to action
Hi there! How has your Monday been going so far? Mine started off rough. My son, bless his perfect little heart, is (possibly) teething and with that comes the night time routine being thrown to the dogs. Last night he woke up at 4:30 am and wouldn't go back to sleep. He just wanted to be held and snuggled. While my mommy heart exploded with joy and happiness (because somehow my seven month old son hates to snuggle and is the most independent human alive now), my Tiffani heart was like "Kid! If you don't go back to sleep this very instant....."
So needless to say I didn't get all the sleep I wanted last night.
I did get a couple more hours of sleep after that, but then was awoken by my husband asking if he could take the car because it was storming outside. It's days like these I curse only having one car. Usually he rides his bike to school, but obviously when it's pouring rain out that's not a great option. And since Abilene has the worst drainage system it usually means I'm giving him a ride for several days following as well. Chase woke up about that time so I just put everybody, including the excitable not to be left out of anything, dog in the car and drove him to school.
That was about 9 am. I was hoping to be at the gym for two back-to-back classes from 11:30 to 1pm but Chase refused to go down for his morning nap, and between his fussy-ness and the dog's whining my ability to handle life was rough this morning.
But, everything turned around for me when I had the lightbulb idea to text one of my young women and ask if she could be an emergency baby sitter. Thankfully her mom drove her over immediately and I was able to make it to the gym. Of course, with the weather I was a few minutes late for my first class and, because it was full, missed out on that. Usually I wouldn't mind being up front, but I would have had to carry all the equipment I needed from the back to the front and I would have gotten in the way of the other patrons, so I decided against it. No need to mess up their rhythms just because I was a few minutes late.
I wasn't necessarily happy about it at the time, but after the second class I was feeling refreshed and worked over and I'm still sore from all the chest presses we did in BodyPump today! I can honestly say this is the first time I've every worked out and it's changed my attitude completely. Usually I'm annoyed, I work out, and I am glad I got it in, but I'm still annoyed. Today I walked out of class proud and smiley, so it was a win over all.
I got to have lunch with my husband because of a canceled appointment we had, and that was fun since we don't get to do that often. This may have actually been the first time.
Then the rest of my day was just trying to make it to bedtime.
Today though, I did a personal progress thing so I wanted to write about it!
For FHE (family home evening) I we had a discussion on keeping the Sabbath day holy. Since it's just my husband and I, when it's my turn for FHE I find a topic, read up on it and then we just generally discuss. It feels weird teaching a grown man who served a full time mission basic gospel principles, so we discuss.
I started with the talk Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy by Elder Earl C. Tingey of the 70 from Feb of 2000. It was a pretty long talk for an Ensign article, but it was filled with some great things! We talked about the meaning of the Sabbath day, reviewed the commandment to keep it holy, and talked about how it's been practice to keep the Sabbath holy for many generations of people- back into the days of the Bible.
I quoted some things from Dallin H. Oaks that I found via the blog middleagedmormonman.com, and then ended with the talk The Sabbath Is a Delight! by (now) President Russel M Nelson. Hearing that talk, for the first time in 2015, was the first time in a long time I had thought about my intentions and feelings towards the Sabbath day. And ever since then I've been aware of how I treat the day. I don't ever do it justice, but I'm hoping that after tonight I can commit to keeping the Sabbath holy and truly see it as a delightful day each week.
Right before I met my husband I was the most spiritual I had ever been. I truly felt like I walked with God each day. I had him in my sights, and in my heart at all times. I was regularly attending the temple and I fulfilled my calling with fervor. But I wasn't keeping the Sabbath day holy. Sure, I loved Sundays and I loved attending church, but without fail I was at the gas station after church each week filling up my big cup with Dr Pepper and probably buying a candy bar I would never eat. (Back then I had a weird habit of buying candy bars and NEVER eating them. When I moved I had a stash of over 20 candy bars that were stale and gross LOL. That's not the case anymore, candy bars don't last long around here anymore.)
I was grateful for the spiritual place I was in, and I knew that I was doing many things right in the eyes of the Lord. But if I could do it all over again, I would make keeping the Sabbath day holy a habit. My husband and I talked about how sometimes you think "when I get married _______ will be easier," but that's not the way with marriage. There are two of you committed to doing the best you can, to lift each other up where you can, and to teach your children truths... which means there is twice the pressure and twice the temptation to give in and not do those things you know you're suppose to be doing.
So, my resolve is to commit to keeping the Sabbath a holy day. To wake up early and prepare for church long before I need to be there. To read books that bring me closer to Christ, to stay in my church clothes the full day, to act and treat the day with respect. And I am excited for the promised blessings I know will come by following this commandment, but I'm also excited to truly know what a day of rest really feels like.
Faith experience #3:
Hope leads to action.
Faith in the Savior Jesus Christ leads to action.
Living the gospel principles requires faith. Read about faith in the Bible Dictionary and True to the faith.
Choose a principle such as: prayer, tithing, fasting, repentance, or keeping the Sabbath day holy.
In your own home, or another setting, plan and present a family home evening lesson about how faith helps you live that gospel principle. During the family home evening lesson come up with a question about your principle.
Challenge each person or have them work in groups of 2-3 by sharing a scripture, principle, and recent personal experience about how this has blessed their lives.
Record your own personal experience or one shared during the family home evening lesson.
So needless to say I didn't get all the sleep I wanted last night.
I did get a couple more hours of sleep after that, but then was awoken by my husband asking if he could take the car because it was storming outside. It's days like these I curse only having one car. Usually he rides his bike to school, but obviously when it's pouring rain out that's not a great option. And since Abilene has the worst drainage system it usually means I'm giving him a ride for several days following as well. Chase woke up about that time so I just put everybody, including the excitable not to be left out of anything, dog in the car and drove him to school.
That was about 9 am. I was hoping to be at the gym for two back-to-back classes from 11:30 to 1pm but Chase refused to go down for his morning nap, and between his fussy-ness and the dog's whining my ability to handle life was rough this morning.
But, everything turned around for me when I had the lightbulb idea to text one of my young women and ask if she could be an emergency baby sitter. Thankfully her mom drove her over immediately and I was able to make it to the gym. Of course, with the weather I was a few minutes late for my first class and, because it was full, missed out on that. Usually I wouldn't mind being up front, but I would have had to carry all the equipment I needed from the back to the front and I would have gotten in the way of the other patrons, so I decided against it. No need to mess up their rhythms just because I was a few minutes late.
I wasn't necessarily happy about it at the time, but after the second class I was feeling refreshed and worked over and I'm still sore from all the chest presses we did in BodyPump today! I can honestly say this is the first time I've every worked out and it's changed my attitude completely. Usually I'm annoyed, I work out, and I am glad I got it in, but I'm still annoyed. Today I walked out of class proud and smiley, so it was a win over all.
I got to have lunch with my husband because of a canceled appointment we had, and that was fun since we don't get to do that often. This may have actually been the first time.
Then the rest of my day was just trying to make it to bedtime.
Today though, I did a personal progress thing so I wanted to write about it!
For FHE (family home evening) I we had a discussion on keeping the Sabbath day holy. Since it's just my husband and I, when it's my turn for FHE I find a topic, read up on it and then we just generally discuss. It feels weird teaching a grown man who served a full time mission basic gospel principles, so we discuss.
I started with the talk Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy by Elder Earl C. Tingey of the 70 from Feb of 2000. It was a pretty long talk for an Ensign article, but it was filled with some great things! We talked about the meaning of the Sabbath day, reviewed the commandment to keep it holy, and talked about how it's been practice to keep the Sabbath holy for many generations of people- back into the days of the Bible.
I quoted some things from Dallin H. Oaks that I found via the blog middleagedmormonman.com, and then ended with the talk The Sabbath Is a Delight! by (now) President Russel M Nelson. Hearing that talk, for the first time in 2015, was the first time in a long time I had thought about my intentions and feelings towards the Sabbath day. And ever since then I've been aware of how I treat the day. I don't ever do it justice, but I'm hoping that after tonight I can commit to keeping the Sabbath holy and truly see it as a delightful day each week.
Right before I met my husband I was the most spiritual I had ever been. I truly felt like I walked with God each day. I had him in my sights, and in my heart at all times. I was regularly attending the temple and I fulfilled my calling with fervor. But I wasn't keeping the Sabbath day holy. Sure, I loved Sundays and I loved attending church, but without fail I was at the gas station after church each week filling up my big cup with Dr Pepper and probably buying a candy bar I would never eat. (Back then I had a weird habit of buying candy bars and NEVER eating them. When I moved I had a stash of over 20 candy bars that were stale and gross LOL. That's not the case anymore, candy bars don't last long around here anymore.)
I was grateful for the spiritual place I was in, and I knew that I was doing many things right in the eyes of the Lord. But if I could do it all over again, I would make keeping the Sabbath day holy a habit. My husband and I talked about how sometimes you think "when I get married _______ will be easier," but that's not the way with marriage. There are two of you committed to doing the best you can, to lift each other up where you can, and to teach your children truths... which means there is twice the pressure and twice the temptation to give in and not do those things you know you're suppose to be doing.
So, my resolve is to commit to keeping the Sabbath a holy day. To wake up early and prepare for church long before I need to be there. To read books that bring me closer to Christ, to stay in my church clothes the full day, to act and treat the day with respect. And I am excited for the promised blessings I know will come by following this commandment, but I'm also excited to truly know what a day of rest really feels like.
Faith experience #3:
Hope leads to action.
Faith in the Savior Jesus Christ leads to action.
Living the gospel principles requires faith. Read about faith in the Bible Dictionary and True to the faith.
Choose a principle such as: prayer, tithing, fasting, repentance, or keeping the Sabbath day holy.
In your own home, or another setting, plan and present a family home evening lesson about how faith helps you live that gospel principle. During the family home evening lesson come up with a question about your principle.
Challenge each person or have them work in groups of 2-3 by sharing a scripture, principle, and recent personal experience about how this has blessed their lives.
Record your own personal experience or one shared during the family home evening lesson.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
An Assessment:
The goal is to complete Personal Progress by the end of 2019. even if I were starting from scratch it would be doable, so not starting from scratch should help in getting it done even sooner!
There are eight values, and with the exception of Virtue each one has three required experiences and three elective experiences, and one ten hour (required) project. The project can be your choice, as long as it's okay'd by a leader or parent. For Virtue there are four required experiences and the project is to read the Book of Mormon.
One of the great things about this program is that you can tailor the experiences that are there to fit you better, or you have the option of coming up with two of your own for the elective options. These do need to be talked over and approved by a parent or a leader, but there are very few things that will be shot down.
The eight values, and accompanying colors, are:
Faith (white)
Divine Nature (blue)
Individual Worth (red)
Knowledge (green)
Choice and Accountability (orange)
Good Works (yellow)
Integrity (purple)
Virtue (gold)
So, I'm not starting from scratch- but I don't have a whole lot done either. This post was a great way for me to go through the experiences and see what I really do have done and what I have left to do. Here is all that I have marked off:
Faith: #1, 4, 6 and this blog is my project
Some of the guidelines given are to finish the required experiences first, then move on the the elective, then the project- clearly I haven't done that with Faith but when I focus on the next value I want to see if focusing on the required first makes the process more smooth.
Divine Nature: #1,3
And, what I think is pretty cool news: I HAVE COMPLETED VIRTUE!
I mean, Virtue is one of the easier values. It's a lot of reading, which I love to do anyways, and even the project is reading the Book of Mormon which I enjoyed focusing on and reading again. It's so exciting to have one whole value completed, and I can't wait to come back and say that I completed another.
Wish me luck as I continue on this journey! I am excited to keep progressing and completing this program
Friday, June 8, 2018
What's the Plan?
So, now that we've established this is a new beginning, you're probably wondering where this blog will lead. What goals I have? How I plan on accomplishing them? And the answer might surprise you, unless you know me really well- in which case you'll be able to answer it before you read it. But the honest truth is... I have no idea.
In real life, I'm a very go with the flow type of person. I don't have itineraries when it comes to vacation time, much to the chagrin of my in-laws if I'm ever in charge of an event. LOL. I have very limited ideas of what I want in life, like my wedding- my husband planned most of it. I choose the colors, and I had a say in it all- but I let him take the reins because he seemed to care a lot more than me and that was fine by me! My wish was for a strong marriage, which we are always working on, and not a big wedding. I would have eloped if he would have been up for it. But he wasn't.
I tend to take the long way around when it comes to finishing my goals. Like my bachelor's degree. I finally received that at the age of 29, but along the way I had a great career for awhile, I made some wonderful friends, I got married, I moved away from everything I'd ever known and loved. Most of my friends had their BS degrees long before the end of mine was even in sight.
These things don't bother me. I know that my path in life is different from anyone else's path in life, and I'm grateful for that. Yes, at times I get frustrated that I don't have what others have- I'm human after all- but when I really stop to think about it I know that I'm where I'm suppose to be, and I'm doing what I need to do. If I had finished my bachelor's degree long ago, would I still be living in Texas, married to Trevor? If the answer is no, then I don't even want to entertain the thought. If I had been married when I was in my early 20's, and started having kids when a lot of my friends did would I be happy? Would I still be married? Would I still be as compassionate? Didn't all those years on my own teach me about patience? And love? And service?
I'm not saying I couldn't learn those same lessons if my life had turned out differently, I'm just saying I'm not worried about how I learned those lessons. If I'm constantly comparing my life to others, then I'm missing out on so much. Plus, I don't feel 30. What I mean to say is, I don't feel old. I still feel like I have plenty of time to have the big family I've always wanted, the house with the white picket fence. The family dog. There is time. What there's not time for is grudges, competition/comparison, hate.
Okay, somewhere along the lines this post took a turn I wasn't expecting. Let's get back on track, shall we?
The purpose of this blog is to take you along on my journey as I complete the personal progress program before it's retired in the year 2020. I'm excited to see what new program is put in place at that time, but I've always wanted to get my medallion- something I didn't do as a youth and have regretted every since. I don't have many regrets in life, but there are a few. So. I'm making a plan, and I'm going to receive my medallion before it's too late.
My plan: work on it every day.
When I was younger, my dream was to be a wife and a mom. I wanted to be the type of mom that made dinner every night, and could sew clothes for her children (not sure where I got this idea from as both of my mom's worked outside the home and loved it). I thought stay-at-home mom's had so much time on their hands. If you could only hear me laughing right now! Even before I had Chase, I had NO TIME! There are chores to be done, callings to be fulfilled, friends who need cheering, a sick neighbor who needs dinner. Then you add in a baby- and let me tell you they aren't as easy to manipulate as you might think- and you go to bed with the same to-do list that you woke up with. With the added bonus of thinking: when did I shower last? Did I brush me teeth at all this week? Do I even fit into anything other than my pajamas anymore, it's been so long I can't remember!
I am very lucky, in that I get to stay home with my son right now. My hope is that our situation allows me to do this for as long as I want to, but for now I'm trying to enjoy all the moments and being grateful for this life. Next week, life could look very different.
But, if I'm going to be an effective stay-at-home mom, who complete's the chores, fulfills her calling, cheers up her friends, feeds the sick neighbors, makes all the dinners, and sews the clothes- then I need to learn to prioritize my time. So, that's another goal of all this I suppose. Learning to prioritize.
I'm just going to add in right now that my sewing skills are a joke, and I hate cooking dinner. So, maybe not those two things. LOL.
Maybe I should explain what personal progress is, for those of you who have hung in here with me this long and have no idea what I'm talking about. There is a good description of it here: Personal Progress, on our church's website. But in general it's a program that our church encourages young women to finish that will help them strengthen their testimonies in Christ, and learn skills that can help them to be their best selves throughout their lives. It's an opportunity to learn new skills, improve on old ones, and learn form older women- be it mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or other women in the congregation. It's broken up into eight values: faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity, and virtue. Each value has required experiences, some optional experiences, and a 10 hour project of your choosing. Some other requirements are to attend church regularly, read the Book of Mormon, and keep a journal of your journey. After this is completed, there is an additional program called "Honor Bee" which can be earned. But, my focus for now is on the main program.
I haven't yet decided how to set up this blog. Do I only write about my personal progress journey? Do I let total strangers in on my daily life? Do I blog about every single experience I do? I have some choices to make, but for now I'm excited to get started on this journey, I hope it makes sense as I continue on this path (I have a tendency to ramble, or jump on several different trains of thought at once. ... what's that? You didn't notice? That's sweet of you.). I have decided not to erase my previous blog posts as well, so feel free to check those out. Maybe I can even incorporate them into future experiences and use them to pass things off!
Thanks for being here with me, and taking this journey with me. Thanks for keeping me in line, teaching me how to stick to it, to prioritize and to become better than I was yesterday.
A New Beginning
This year's mutual theme is "Peace in Christ"... but I only know that because at a meeting to prepare for girls camp two months ago I received a necklace with an olive branch on it... some leader I am.
To be fair, I had a baby in December and was released from my Young Women's calling around the end of January. So for that month I was all heart eyes for the new little human I had brought into the world, and didn't really know what was going on in the world of church. I had no calling for awhile, then was called to teach the youth Sunday school class. At first I was really intimidated by that, even though I'd been teaching the young women for almost 2 years, somehow teaching all the youth seemed a lot more intense. And there were a lot of youth. I was a co-teacher and all 24 youth from ages 12-18 were combined into one class. Not sure who was in charge of that, but I'd call that a fail. First, there were way too many youth in one class (24 on my first day!), and second the age gap between them was too large. You either catered to the older kids and lost the attention of the younger kids (who often played on their phones), or you catered to the younger kids and had distractions from the older kids (who often talked to each other, and goofed around), it was really a no win situation. I was in that calling for just over a month, and only taught two times. Then I got a text message from my Bishop asking if I could call him when I had a few minutes to talk. And then next day, at church I was released as Sunday School teacher and called to be the Young Women's first counselor again.
So, it's the beginning of June and I'm sitting here wondering if this is the time that I will stick to blogging about my personal progress journey, or if it will fade off again (I am also REALLY bad at keeping a journal). Although, mostly, I'm wondering if I'm even the right girl for the job.
Hi, my name is Tiffani. I live with my husband (Trevor), my son (Chase), and my fur baby (Harley, the cutest boxer dog you'll ever meet) in Abilene, TX. We moved here a year ago from Lubbock, TX where my husband and I were both attending school at Texas Tech University. Him at the medical school there, and I at the main campus where I got my bachelors in Human Development and Family Studies. I had plans to use that degree to help me get a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, focusing on trauma. My end goal, was to help those who had been effected by sexual assault or domestic abuse. I say was, because if I'm honest I don't know what my plan is anymore. I do know that I want to go back to work one day, but do I want to do it as a counselor? A nurse? A phlebotomist? (I really miss being a phlebotomist.) I know that for now I love being home with my baby, so future career decisions are just going to have to wait. During finals week of my last spring semester I found out I was pregnant, and although I was extremely sick, I was grateful that pregnancy was making me tired and not school. I had two summer semesters to finish up, and then graduation in August- but those were the hardest semesters of my life. I love summer semester because they are generally laid back, but they also work at a faster pace. Regular semesters can bore me with their slow paces. Anyways, pregnancy was not my friend, and those last two semesters really sucked. I actually failed one of my finals, because I was so sick. Thankfully, in the end I still graduated with honors and received my Bachelors degree.
I grew up in West Valley City, UT, where I lived with my mother and stepfather, and three brothers. My father and stepmother lived about 30 minutes away, and have 7 kids between them (including me). My family tree is complicated, and messy, but it's mine and I love it. After all is said and done I have 12 siblings, and four of them are married. My husband grew up all over the place, but spent a majority of his time in TX and PA. He has four siblings, and three of them are married.
My husband and I met on Tinder in February of 2015, while he was taking a year off of school. He claims he came to Utah for the skiing, but since there was no snow he decided to try his hand and dating and his sister convinced him to get on Tinder. Though I'm convinced he came to Utah for the dating, and skiing was just an excuse. I was his first and only Tinder date, but unfortunately I do not have the same story. I had many, many.... many unfortunate Tinder dates and by the time I met Trevor I was really questioning why I was on Tinder and had started planning out my life as an Old Maid. Even after Trevor and I met, and I knew he was the one, I had two more dates. In my defense they were already planned.... and one of them was to Music and the Spoken word and I really wanted to go to that. LOL.
We got engaged in April of that year, and were married in July. Two weeks after the wedding we moved to Lubbock, TX. What a crazy year that was. We moved to Abilene about a year ago so that Trevor could pursue other options in school, and I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with our babies for now.
Back to me wondering if I'm the right girl for the job. When I was first called to be a Young Women counselor, in Lubbock, I said yes because I was desperate to get out of Primary. My husband and I were co-teachers for the 8-9 year olds and I hated it. One kid threw his scriptures at me one week because I asked him to sit on his chair and not under it.... but even without that experience I just didn't feel like I was connecting to the kids or feeding my testimony. So accepting the call to young women's was really more of a selfish thing. But I really connected with the girls, and the other leaders and I ended up loving them more than the calling. It was fun to teach them, and be able to hang out with them one night a week. When we moved to Abilene I practically threw myself at the Young Women's President, especially after I found out they were down a counselor. And.... things were not the same. These girls were harder to connect to, and my pregnancy kept me home sick more often than I'd like to admit to, so my face time with them was limited and didn't help in aiding me to connect with them. I loved the women that I served with though, and I will always be grateful for them. When I was released, I felt confident that that was the right decision, and even though the idea of teaching Sunday School was intimidating I was excited about it.
After the Bishop text me, I prayed about the calling. I hadn't been offered it at this point, as Bishop was just gathering information about life with a newborn to see if it was even a good fit for me right now. But I wanted to be sure, if the call came, that I could answer with confidence either way. Honestly, at times I still feel like I should have said no. But in my prayer I asked Heavenly Father to let me know, and when I was offered the calling again I felt good about saying yes. While I still wonder what I can do for the girls, and how I can lead and guide them to be the best them I know that I am where I need to be right now. Our President and I were on a long car ride, when she told me all the reasons she called me to be her counselor, unprompted by myself. I feel confident that the reasons she asked me are correct, and that I am that person she was looking for. I just don't always feel confident about connecting with the girls. Thankfully, though, this time around I've had a few more opportunities to be one-on-one with the girls and it has helped. Yes, the older girls have tougher shells to break though, and I still need to earn their trust, but those Beehives.... we are on our way to a beautiful relationship.
Although, as I type this I wonder if my son has anything to do with the new relationships I've formed. All the girls have offered to watch him, and our conversations are usually started out with them approaching me to talk to him.....
So, we are back to the beginning. A New Beginning. To finish my personal progress and receive my medallion before the program is retired in a year and half. To grow my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and to live a more gospel centered life.
To be fair, I had a baby in December and was released from my Young Women's calling around the end of January. So for that month I was all heart eyes for the new little human I had brought into the world, and didn't really know what was going on in the world of church. I had no calling for awhile, then was called to teach the youth Sunday school class. At first I was really intimidated by that, even though I'd been teaching the young women for almost 2 years, somehow teaching all the youth seemed a lot more intense. And there were a lot of youth. I was a co-teacher and all 24 youth from ages 12-18 were combined into one class. Not sure who was in charge of that, but I'd call that a fail. First, there were way too many youth in one class (24 on my first day!), and second the age gap between them was too large. You either catered to the older kids and lost the attention of the younger kids (who often played on their phones), or you catered to the younger kids and had distractions from the older kids (who often talked to each other, and goofed around), it was really a no win situation. I was in that calling for just over a month, and only taught two times. Then I got a text message from my Bishop asking if I could call him when I had a few minutes to talk. And then next day, at church I was released as Sunday School teacher and called to be the Young Women's first counselor again.
So, it's the beginning of June and I'm sitting here wondering if this is the time that I will stick to blogging about my personal progress journey, or if it will fade off again (I am also REALLY bad at keeping a journal). Although, mostly, I'm wondering if I'm even the right girl for the job.
Hi, my name is Tiffani. I live with my husband (Trevor), my son (Chase), and my fur baby (Harley, the cutest boxer dog you'll ever meet) in Abilene, TX. We moved here a year ago from Lubbock, TX where my husband and I were both attending school at Texas Tech University. Him at the medical school there, and I at the main campus where I got my bachelors in Human Development and Family Studies. I had plans to use that degree to help me get a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, focusing on trauma. My end goal, was to help those who had been effected by sexual assault or domestic abuse. I say was, because if I'm honest I don't know what my plan is anymore. I do know that I want to go back to work one day, but do I want to do it as a counselor? A nurse? A phlebotomist? (I really miss being a phlebotomist.) I know that for now I love being home with my baby, so future career decisions are just going to have to wait. During finals week of my last spring semester I found out I was pregnant, and although I was extremely sick, I was grateful that pregnancy was making me tired and not school. I had two summer semesters to finish up, and then graduation in August- but those were the hardest semesters of my life. I love summer semester because they are generally laid back, but they also work at a faster pace. Regular semesters can bore me with their slow paces. Anyways, pregnancy was not my friend, and those last two semesters really sucked. I actually failed one of my finals, because I was so sick. Thankfully, in the end I still graduated with honors and received my Bachelors degree.
I grew up in West Valley City, UT, where I lived with my mother and stepfather, and three brothers. My father and stepmother lived about 30 minutes away, and have 7 kids between them (including me). My family tree is complicated, and messy, but it's mine and I love it. After all is said and done I have 12 siblings, and four of them are married. My husband grew up all over the place, but spent a majority of his time in TX and PA. He has four siblings, and three of them are married.
My husband and I met on Tinder in February of 2015, while he was taking a year off of school. He claims he came to Utah for the skiing, but since there was no snow he decided to try his hand and dating and his sister convinced him to get on Tinder. Though I'm convinced he came to Utah for the dating, and skiing was just an excuse. I was his first and only Tinder date, but unfortunately I do not have the same story. I had many, many.... many unfortunate Tinder dates and by the time I met Trevor I was really questioning why I was on Tinder and had started planning out my life as an Old Maid. Even after Trevor and I met, and I knew he was the one, I had two more dates. In my defense they were already planned.... and one of them was to Music and the Spoken word and I really wanted to go to that. LOL.
We got engaged in April of that year, and were married in July. Two weeks after the wedding we moved to Lubbock, TX. What a crazy year that was. We moved to Abilene about a year ago so that Trevor could pursue other options in school, and I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with our babies for now.
Back to me wondering if I'm the right girl for the job. When I was first called to be a Young Women counselor, in Lubbock, I said yes because I was desperate to get out of Primary. My husband and I were co-teachers for the 8-9 year olds and I hated it. One kid threw his scriptures at me one week because I asked him to sit on his chair and not under it.... but even without that experience I just didn't feel like I was connecting to the kids or feeding my testimony. So accepting the call to young women's was really more of a selfish thing. But I really connected with the girls, and the other leaders and I ended up loving them more than the calling. It was fun to teach them, and be able to hang out with them one night a week. When we moved to Abilene I practically threw myself at the Young Women's President, especially after I found out they were down a counselor. And.... things were not the same. These girls were harder to connect to, and my pregnancy kept me home sick more often than I'd like to admit to, so my face time with them was limited and didn't help in aiding me to connect with them. I loved the women that I served with though, and I will always be grateful for them. When I was released, I felt confident that that was the right decision, and even though the idea of teaching Sunday School was intimidating I was excited about it.
After the Bishop text me, I prayed about the calling. I hadn't been offered it at this point, as Bishop was just gathering information about life with a newborn to see if it was even a good fit for me right now. But I wanted to be sure, if the call came, that I could answer with confidence either way. Honestly, at times I still feel like I should have said no. But in my prayer I asked Heavenly Father to let me know, and when I was offered the calling again I felt good about saying yes. While I still wonder what I can do for the girls, and how I can lead and guide them to be the best them I know that I am where I need to be right now. Our President and I were on a long car ride, when she told me all the reasons she called me to be her counselor, unprompted by myself. I feel confident that the reasons she asked me are correct, and that I am that person she was looking for. I just don't always feel confident about connecting with the girls. Thankfully, though, this time around I've had a few more opportunities to be one-on-one with the girls and it has helped. Yes, the older girls have tougher shells to break though, and I still need to earn their trust, but those Beehives.... we are on our way to a beautiful relationship.
Although, as I type this I wonder if my son has anything to do with the new relationships I've formed. All the girls have offered to watch him, and our conversations are usually started out with them approaching me to talk to him.....
So, we are back to the beginning. A New Beginning. To finish my personal progress and receive my medallion before the program is retired in a year and half. To grow my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and to live a more gospel centered life.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Letting God decide.
In December of 2014 I was asked to take on the calling of "Women's Conference Specialist," and they were trying something new this next time around. They wanted the women in the stake to teach. What?? You want me to teach somebody something? I have nothing to say..... Turns out, I had a lot to say.
The conference was held in March of 2015 and the theme was "Becoming a Disciple of Christ." The class that we were asked to teach was "Tools to help us make decisions in the Lord's way."
I struggled with accepting this calling for a few weeks, I didn't know what I could say that would help others, and I had already signed up for a Saturday morning class- which is the time meetings for this calling would be held. The experience was one of the most humbling I've ever had and it allowed me to open up about how life isn't always easy but you keep pushing forward.
Here is the "lesson" I taught that day, March 21, 2015:
About a year ago I was extremely unhappy. I had no goals, no direction, no ambition. I was in an on-again-off-again/dead end relationship. Life was going nowhere, and fast.
Then a really great friend of mine asked me a question that started the most painful and testimony building path I have ever had to go down. He asked me if I had ever considered serving a mission? Well yea. I had begun the process three different times, each time being lead down a path that just ended, only to end up where I was. A full time phlebotomist, a part-time student, and a nanny once a week at the age of 26. I wasn't unhappy doing all those things, in fact being a phlebotomist was the best thing! The family I nanny for is amazing and school, well, it was school. I'm excited to be going back and moving forward. So, there was that.
I answered and said that yes I had thought about it before, but that I hadn't really gotten anywhere with it, and besides I had too many reasons for not going now. He asked me to name a few of them. So I said student loans, car payments, no savings account. He said "Tiffani, those are excuses. If you talk to the proper authorities and they give you permission to go my wife and I will help you. And we want to pay for your mission." *jaw drop* ( I can not deny that God placed them in my life for so many reasons, helping me to see past my stubbornness is only one of the many many reasons.)
So I decided to pray. I prayed so much and so often about the decision to try again. It was all I thought about, and I felt so good about it. I felt so good about it, and so confident that I would be serving a mission that I gave my boss a quit date. I told her I wouldn't be there at the end of the year because I would be serving a mission for my church. My excitement and confidence rubbed off on her, because she was just as excited as I was about it.
I talked to my Bishop who gave me permission to talk to the Stake President, President Woahn. After meeting two times President Woahn said he felt very good about moving forward with the process. Unfortunately I had gone through some traumatic trials that required a counselors note, and I would have to write to the First Presidency of the church.
Writing that letter was THE HARDEST THING, hands down, that I have ever had to do. I was left vulnerable. Every secret, every sin, every trial, every choice was exposed. I was left without the protective wall that I had spent a lifetime building, a wall that grew with every heartache. I had to trust the process though, that was the only way I was going to be able to serve, and I just knew I would be going on a mission. So I turned in that letter at the end of June 2014. Do you know what happens in July every year? The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles take the month off to spent time with their families. Basically, the church offices are dead. The wait was painful, and I was impatient. I probably text President Woahn no less than 25 times asking about the letter.
Meanwhile, I was called to be a Ward Missionary! This was just the positive sign that I had been looking for. This was great news. It was a practice run, I just knew it. The Lord knew I could handle it and he knew I was waiting for an answer so he thought he'd encourage me by giving me this calling. I also got permission to receive my endowments, and did so on July 15, 2014 in the Draper Utah Temple.
That summer had some real trials though. Work got harder, and no matter how hard I tried there were long weeks when I couldn't feel the spirit. All of that was okay though, I was preparing to go on a mission. I endured the hell that was engulfing me because someone really needed me to be strong. What I know now is that that someone was me.
In September, finally, I received a text from President Woahn asking me if I could meet with him, he had my answer.
So I met with him. He told me that he hadn't gotten a letter back but that he had made some phone calls and was able to receive my answer that way, and he didn't want me to have to wait any longer. The answer was that I was not to serve a full time mission. I cried so hard. (The message was delivered very lovingly and when I got the actual letter I felt nothing but loved, but that didn't make it easier to accept.) The week leading up to this meeting was a devastating one. Everything went wrong, I even remember that my favorite craft project fell off the wall and shattered. It was a lonely week, I had prayed and begged for an answer- any answer so that I could finally move forward. I was so tired of waiting. I never expected that though.
The next few days, even weeks, were somber ones. I went from work to home to bed. I loved being at work, it gave me a purpose, a reason. Being at home was so depressing. I was on Facebook one of those days when a church video of Elder Holland showed up in my news feed, and it answered all my questions. All the "why's." (You can see the video here.)
I felt like I had put my life on hold, and I wanted so many good things, but I couldn't bring myself to take the first step. I made excuses and I dragged my feet. Going through this process, it changed me. It gave me the courage to take the next step. I am not suppose to be anywhere else. Because I took the road I took and hit my dead end I can know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I am on the right path. I can give 120% of myself to my future husband and children without wondering what would have happened if I had tried. The best part about this process was that it forced me to own my past, which in turn allowed me to let go of it, and to fully use the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that the Atonement has worked in my life because I no longer feel weighed down, the weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can walk forward with my head held high, with confidence in every step that I am right where I need to be. I couldn't have done that if I hadn't tried, one more time, to serve a mission.
In order to get the answers we need and want we need to be willing to move forward with faith, hope, and trust. We need to be able to be so vulnerable that only Heavenly Father can protect us. We need to be willing to own the choices of our pasts so we can let go of them. That's what it takes to have faith and accept Christ. Be willing to do those things Heavenly Father asks us to do so that we can find those dead ends and progress quicker. Trust him. Trust him so much that you would give up everything knowing he'd be there for you with the best blessings that you could never have dreamed of. I wouldn't trade my heartbreaking experience for anything. One of my favorite quotes is "God did not bring you this far to abandon you," by an unknown source. He is aware of your strengths and your weaknesses, of your wants and your needs. Trust him enough to be specific in your prayers and he will answer you. Ever time, he will answer. I promise.
NOW IT'S a year after I taught that class, and I can honestly say it's still one of the best lessons. That video is still one of my favorites, and my life is nothing like I dreamed it would be a year ago. I'm married now, I live in Texas, and I'm a full time student. I remember when I started out that journey. I got down on my knees and I told God in prayer that I was willing to do whatever he asked me, and he didn't make it easy. It was the roughest year yet, but a year I will never forget. I trust God a lot more easily now then I did before, life isn't perfect but at least I know I'm on the right path.
God didn't bring me this far to abandon me, he won't abandon you either.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Someone is always watching
It's been a long time since I've posted anything, to be completely honest I forgot I even had this blog. I'm not very good at writing in my journal, and obviously, even worse at posting. I don't like doing anything that I have to sit down and focus on. Like watching movies. If I have to sit and watch one I usually fall asleep.... which gets really awkward when I have friends over.
Last night I went to Family Home Evening with my ward. It's been a long time since I've stayed the whole time.... but they were coloring so of course I stayed! (we made alphabet books for children in other countries) I was able to talk to one of my friends that I really look up to, Taione, a man I haven't been able to talk to for awhile. Partly because I don't stay at activities and partly because his calling keeps him pretty busy. Last night we talked about our friendship and how we both really feel like we were each others example from the start of our relationship. And then we talked about how because we have been able to keep each other strong out families have noticed and started coming back to church and making choices that are making them happy- really happy not temporally happy. And it got me thinking about how we are all some body's example. That every day someone is watching us. If we make good choices, someone sees that, and maybe they don't always comment on it but we are being watched. The same goes for our bad choices, someone is always watching.
I remember about 4 years ago I moved in with my father in Utah County. Living in Utah County was never anywhere I wanted to live and my Father's house was full! So moving in was a hard decision to make just based on the fact that it was going to be a tight fit with me there. (I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity I had to live with my father, and while living there I never felt like there wasn't room-for the record.) Every Sunday it was the same thing. I would wake up, and while I got ready for church I would spend time with the 3 babies. Jake was about 3 or 4 at the time which would make the twins 1 or 2. The amount of pictures I have of the 4 of us in the bathroom hanging out while I got ready is a little insane. Then I would go to church and the rest of my day was pretty much church meetings, and visiting teaching, and whatever else needed to be done. I would be home for dinner but that was about it.
After a few months of attending a new ward I was getting really discouraged. I had made 2 friends, and I just felt like I really didn't fit in. I'm a people person. I love to be around friends. All the time. I love people. Being around people makes me happy. So only having 2 friends in a new ward after 6 months was extremely hard for me. I decided that I really didn't like the ward and I stopped going to church. After only a couple weeks of this I was standing in the kitchen while my dad was preparing meat for the BBQ. We were just talking when he asked a question that has impacted me even to this day. He said "Wunt wunt, you haven't been to church in a couple weeks. Is everything okay?"
My Father is not active in the LDS church, and hasn't been since he was 14. He attends baby blessings, baptisms, and other ordinances that are performed at church, but generally on Sunday he's home with my siblings. So the fact that he noticed I wasn't going really surprised me. To be honest, I don't remember what I told him. I don't even remember if the conversation lasted much longer. I think I might have said something about not liking the ward and how it was hard to go.
It was the first time I realized that my parents were watching me. And it hit me hard that I was an example to them. When you're the oldest child you tend to think that you're only being an example to your younger siblings. And if you're like me, you tend to think they aren't really watching you and couldn't care less about what you do. You never really expect that your parents look up to you as well.
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we can't afford to be bad examples. We can't afford to not make good choices, because every day we are being watched and we are being judged. I realize, we're human-we have bad days! But that isn't really what I'm talking about. We are representatives of the Savior and we need to make sure that our actions and our words are pointing others towards him.
I have 12 younger siblings-but when I go to church it's for me. Never in a million years would I have expected to get a text that said "Nikki-I wanted you to know that you are my example. That because of you I've been sober for 3 months and I'm happy. Thank you for not giving up on me when it would have been so easy to do. Thank you for being a good example."
We hear it all the time. Be a good example. But until someone says "I saw you. I noticed you. and I'm following you." it doesn't mean anything. But every day, every hour, every second-someone is watching you.
What kind of example are you going to be today?
Last night I went to Family Home Evening with my ward. It's been a long time since I've stayed the whole time.... but they were coloring so of course I stayed! (we made alphabet books for children in other countries) I was able to talk to one of my friends that I really look up to, Taione, a man I haven't been able to talk to for awhile. Partly because I don't stay at activities and partly because his calling keeps him pretty busy. Last night we talked about our friendship and how we both really feel like we were each others example from the start of our relationship. And then we talked about how because we have been able to keep each other strong out families have noticed and started coming back to church and making choices that are making them happy- really happy not temporally happy. And it got me thinking about how we are all some body's example. That every day someone is watching us. If we make good choices, someone sees that, and maybe they don't always comment on it but we are being watched. The same goes for our bad choices, someone is always watching.
I remember about 4 years ago I moved in with my father in Utah County. Living in Utah County was never anywhere I wanted to live and my Father's house was full! So moving in was a hard decision to make just based on the fact that it was going to be a tight fit with me there. (I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity I had to live with my father, and while living there I never felt like there wasn't room-for the record.) Every Sunday it was the same thing. I would wake up, and while I got ready for church I would spend time with the 3 babies. Jake was about 3 or 4 at the time which would make the twins 1 or 2. The amount of pictures I have of the 4 of us in the bathroom hanging out while I got ready is a little insane. Then I would go to church and the rest of my day was pretty much church meetings, and visiting teaching, and whatever else needed to be done. I would be home for dinner but that was about it.
After a few months of attending a new ward I was getting really discouraged. I had made 2 friends, and I just felt like I really didn't fit in. I'm a people person. I love to be around friends. All the time. I love people. Being around people makes me happy. So only having 2 friends in a new ward after 6 months was extremely hard for me. I decided that I really didn't like the ward and I stopped going to church. After only a couple weeks of this I was standing in the kitchen while my dad was preparing meat for the BBQ. We were just talking when he asked a question that has impacted me even to this day. He said "Wunt wunt, you haven't been to church in a couple weeks. Is everything okay?"
My Father is not active in the LDS church, and hasn't been since he was 14. He attends baby blessings, baptisms, and other ordinances that are performed at church, but generally on Sunday he's home with my siblings. So the fact that he noticed I wasn't going really surprised me. To be honest, I don't remember what I told him. I don't even remember if the conversation lasted much longer. I think I might have said something about not liking the ward and how it was hard to go.
It was the first time I realized that my parents were watching me. And it hit me hard that I was an example to them. When you're the oldest child you tend to think that you're only being an example to your younger siblings. And if you're like me, you tend to think they aren't really watching you and couldn't care less about what you do. You never really expect that your parents look up to you as well.
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we can't afford to be bad examples. We can't afford to not make good choices, because every day we are being watched and we are being judged. I realize, we're human-we have bad days! But that isn't really what I'm talking about. We are representatives of the Savior and we need to make sure that our actions and our words are pointing others towards him.
I have 12 younger siblings-but when I go to church it's for me. Never in a million years would I have expected to get a text that said "Nikki-I wanted you to know that you are my example. That because of you I've been sober for 3 months and I'm happy. Thank you for not giving up on me when it would have been so easy to do. Thank you for being a good example."
We hear it all the time. Be a good example. But until someone says "I saw you. I noticed you. and I'm following you." it doesn't mean anything. But every day, every hour, every second-someone is watching you.
What kind of example are you going to be today?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)